Numb

Didn't think it would ever happen that the man I love, the one I am supposed to be with forever, would yell and swear at me like that. Kinda makes you wonder what's next in store from him.

I also never fathomed that selfishness on his part could so ruin my Saturday and make me cry more tears than I thought possible. How am I alone, laying in the dark at 8:11 pm on a Saturday? How can he say that he doesn't want to see me?

Kinda makes me think of how little I matter to some people. Kinda makes me want to do stupid things. And it would serve him right. Though, it isn't as if he would care. Somehow he is always the victim, the martyr. Why does he stay with me if I'm so terrible, so "mean"?

I don't understand anything right now; least of all why I am being punished for having my feelings hurt.

Right now I just need to go somewhere dark and quiet and be alone. I can feel the tears threatening to emerge again even now.

Who knows what people are capable of anymore...

Yes thats right I'm doing it too ;)

I guess you could say that I was inspired by my older sister to start a blog of my own. I mean, okay I probably have around five other blogs floating around out there somewhere just as I am positive I have multiple facebooks and myspaces that I never deleted. But this one will be the blog I actually care about. Ha-Ha.

Well my sister recently started a blog on here and as I am a writer and I do love talking about myself, it sort of made me wonder why I do not also have one. So I guess I'll be putting in entries nearly everyday, getting out my feelings, frustrations, and the randomly insane thoughts that I would normally be talking about in my head.

Oh no joke.

I think I have conversations with myself in my head, relaying actual journal entries to myself. So perhaps it would be the more sane thing to put them here. In an actual journal. A digital one anyway.

Well then I shall go to bed now, thinking as always about the boy I am impossibly in love with and wondering when he's finally going to ask me.